We all act “super cool”

 

“Pratyush, even you act super cool at times stupid”. In normal circumstances, I would not even pay attention to such statements. But this came from Ships last night. We were discussing about a woman and I told Ships that she called and was trying to act super cool with me.

 

She paused for a moment, and then gave me this reply. A very normal statement – or so you would think. But in the context of our conversation, I realized that what she was saying makes sense.

 

There have been times when my heart wanted me to do something but my ego forced me do something else. There have been times when I’ve ignored calls when I so wanted to pick the phone and say hi. There have been times when I’ve acted “super cool” and been very indifferent to calls I have been waiting for months.

 

I remember how i made an attempt to sound very cool and uninterested when my ex girlfriend called me few months ago. I so wanted to talk to her, ask her how is she doing and if she wanted to meet. But then I gave her so much attitude that she never called me back. And I told myself that I did very well to sound like that.

 

I didn’t talk to two of my very close friends for almost a year. It was nothing else but ego and that funny act of being super cool. Thankfully, I met one of them at a party and she came and said hi to me and we got back in touch.

 

The other friend called me on my birthday to wish me. Thankfully I have their numbers now and I plan to meet them more often now. And I’m really glad I got my friends back. And all this while I was thinking I was doing the right thing by showing attitude to my own friends.

 

Ships asked me a very simple thing – why can’t I just be normal? Why do I’ve to act like this very matured and practical guy? And she is right! No matter how much I try, I cannot fool her. She knows exactly what I’m thinking and why I did what I did.

 

And then I realized that I’m also fooling myself. After ignoring calls, or showing attitude to people I love, I used to tell myself that I did the right thing and I’m conducting myself really well. But the fact is that I’ve been fooling myself. How can I feel good after ignoring a call when I so wanted to speak with the caller? How can I feel good by forcing myself to believe that few things/people are no longer important to me when I know that they are still special to me.

 

I want myself to feel good about the fact that I always get great friends. So even if I lose few, I’ll have enough people around me. Same goes with women – I’ve always told myself that I’ve my own ways of getting over things. If one goes, I always manage to find others without sweating it out. 

But the fact is that whenever I think about my ex girlfriends, I feel sad about the fact that I’m not in touch with anyone of them (except few) and don’t even know how are they doing, because somewhere down the line, I acted “super cool” and told myself that I’ve another one waiting for me.

 

And all this while I never thought of it. Its only after my casual conversation with Ships the other day, that I realized that I don’t need to act and tell myself to be happy about it.

 

I don’t know what I’ll do after realizing this. I remember once, years ago, one of my ex girlfriends made me realize the fact that I’ve been acting stupid with few of the people who were really nice to me. And I went to all of them and said sorry. I felt great after that (though I don’t plan to do any such thing this time).

 

Maybe, I’ll learn from my mistakes – I always do. And I’ll make sure that I don’t try and act super cool in future. Because now I know that there is no point playing such silly games with people you loved or still love.

 

I’ll just try and be myself. And I’ll try and be happy in any case. Life is too short to act super cool and tell yourself that it was the best thing to do. In any case, I’m telling myself that I’m happy – better do what you feel like and then tell yourself that you are happy.

 

We all act “super cool” – part II

 

The rat race

From last few days I’ve been getting a lot of messages from various people,all asking the same question – “Pratyush,why aren’t you blogging these days?” Well,it has been a hectic week.I had an awesome weekend with my friends,bought a big double door wardrobe and something good has come up on the professional front.

I’ll tell you about the weekend party and my double door wardrobe later on (and I anyways don’t write about my professional life). I didn’t write anything all this while because i didn’t feel like. There was nothing I wanted to write or express my feelings about.

But then, today i got a message from one of my friends.

It said – “Leaving the house in the morning, dressed in clothes that you bought on credit card for work, driving through the traffic in a car that you are still paying for, putting in petrol that you cannot afford, in order to get to the job that you hate but need it so badly so that you can pay for the clothes, car, petrol and the house that you leave empty the whole day, in order to live in it”

Come to think off it guys - its so true! We are all part of a rat race and we all are running non-stop. We feel good about the fact that we are doing well in life, have enough money to lead a good life, wear branded cloths, spend thousands on weekends, buy expensive gifts for our family / girlfriends / boyfriends.

But the fact is that though these things make us feel good,they don’t guarantee happiness. I’ll give you a very simple example – My Mom is in town. She’s been here for almost 3 weeks now but I’ve only taken her out for dinner once. She doesn’t want to eat out. She has a very simple explaination for this. She says she is happier cooking for me. She can go out and eat anytime but she hardly gets to cook for me. Everyday, she makes my favorite dishes and serve me great food when i reach home. I also make sure that even if I go out in the evening, I don’t eat anything because I’ve the same logic – nothing compares to Mommy’s food.

So,do I need to earn lacs to get my Mommy’s food? The answer is no! I can go back to the small town where I came from, and live life king size in the same money that I’m getting now.

I love wearing my Armani watch. But I was much happier spending time with the beautiful lady who gifted me the watch. I like my new shoes but I would anyday prefer a long drive with the lady (who gifted me the shoes) over the shoes.

These days, I go out 3-4 times a week, party every weekend,meet new friends and then go out with them again. Few years ago,I was seeing this girl who lived very close to my World Trade Centre office. She would pick me up from my office after work and we would land up at her place just in time for an early dinner (home made food by her maid), watch TV, DVDs, play games,talk and sleep early. In almost a year when we were together, we hardly watched 10 movies, hardly went out for dinners (and that too, only to one place both of us loved), never went to a party together and never bought each other expensive gifts. We were just happy and content in our own world. And I’ve hardly felt better in my life.

2 weeks ago, I celebrated my birthday in a grand style. I threw a party at one of best places in the city, called all my friends and spent close to 30k in few hours. And yes, I felt good at the end of it. But I’m not very sure if I was happy (Birthday blues).

Now compare that to last weekend where all my friends came down from different places to spend the weekend together. we all went to our college in Pune and had a blast. And I’ve absolutely no doubts in my mind that it was one of the most memorable weekends I’ve had in recent times. And it didn’t require a “happening” place and a lot of money to get it right.

There are so many instances I can mention where small little things have made me happy ( pursuit of happiness). The bottomline is still the same – we need to figure out what makes us happy. And trust me, most of you will be surprised to find out that you too would prefer small little moments of happiness as compared to the mad race that we all have become a part of.

Time to sit back and introspect!