Most embarrassing moments..

I have a friend who pulled his back muscle while he was trying to lift some clothes from the floor. Or so he claims – because we all know how it happened. It happened when he was making out with one of the women he was dating at that point of time (though they never went public with their relationship).

 

This has to go down as one of the most embarrassing moment in any man’s life. You pull your muscles while (secretly) making out with a woman, and then you cannot even move and you require help. But at the same time, you cannot call for help as people are not supposed to know what happened. I can only imagine what he must have gone through. I’m sure he would have thought of getting into the toilet and flushing himself out in the open sea.

 

We have all had our share of embarrassing moments in life. But if I’ve to vote, this one takes the cake. I’ve myself been embarrassed at times. Though none is as interesting as the one mentioned above. I have heard a lot of stories from a lot of people about their most embarrassing moments. And there are few which at some point or other, we all experience – but we never admit.

 

The most embarrassing moment of any man’s life (and everyone go through this at some point of time) has to be the time when his woman ask the most dreaded question of all time – “Are you already done?????” No man on earth wants to live the next few hours.

 

I remember once I was sitting in a group of around 20 people. Most of us knew each other. There was this guy who wouldn’t stop bragging about how he met a girl in a party who got him home when everyone else in her house was sleeping. And he went on to explain how he still slips inside her house at times and they make out when everyone else in the house is busy with their own stuff. This other guy, with his high testosterone level couldn’t stop himself from asking the address of this girl to find out if he could also be lucky. And in his excitement, our hero (who was bragging about his luck with this girl), gave him the full address only to find out that he was talking about this guy’s (the man with high testosterone level) own sister.

 

All 20 of us wanted to jump out of the window.

 

On a lighter note, we all have made silly mistakes like flirting with the girl’s Mom thinking its her and messaging her mom instead of her at midnight. I have done it many time – i’ve all the possible numbers of my girl in my phone’s address book – xyz mobile, xyz home, xyz office, xyz mom etc etc. And xyz mom’s number comes just after xyz mobile number. Hence, I have sent many messages to my prospective mother(s) in law.

 

Now, imagine yourself in a situation where you and your girl decide to be a little kinky (though i prefer the term adventurous) and use ropes to tie your hands to the edge of the bed (you are not getting more details). You think you are one smart ass and hence you know exactly when the girl’s sister would be coming home. So you are done with it just in time to come in the other room and switch on the TV. The girls’ sister (who you always thought was a small girl who has no idea whats going on and knows nothing), walks in, gives you an innocent smile, goes in the other room (the room), and then my friend, you hear her scream. And when you rush to the other room (finding the way – you have to pretend as if you have never entered the room before), you find the girl staring at the rope, with one end still tied to the edge of the bed. And then she turns around, looks at you, and her sister, then again you, and gives you that disgusted look before walking out of the room.

 

Trust me, there are good chances that you would use the same rope to hang yourself from the fan (and even if you don’t, have a good look at the room because in all probability you are seeing that room for the last time in your life – you will never get to enter it again).

 

Chalo, I’ll ask you a question. Whom will you hate more – your girlfriend’s ex or the cop who’s just caught you making out in the car and doesn’t want to let it go even if you are ready to give him your credit card (free for lifetime concept). He wants you to come to the police station along with your girl and also tells you that he wants to call “INDIA TV” and tell them how two people were making out inside a Car and he caught them in the middle of it.

 

Its a tough call. But I’m sure for once you would chose to let your girlfriend’s ex go and instead kill that Cop.

 

And what about your father finding a durex inside your wallet? Or your girlfriend noticing that one condom is missing from the lot (and we always thought girls were not good in Maths – trust me, they do calculate – you bought a packet on last Sunday, we have used y condoms, one packet has x condoms in it, so x – y should be z, but there is one missing???). Trust me, you can convince Pakistan to hand over Dawood, but you will never be able to justify the story of “the missing condom” to your girl.

 

And the other day, my Mom, who is in town these days, decided to clean my closet. And when I reached home in the evening, she told me that she cleaned my closet and has kept aside few things which she thinks I don’t need and hence can throw in the dustbin. And when i saw those “few things” which she had kept on the bed, I wanted the jump out of the window of my 6^th floor house. while cleaning my closet, she found ladies’ undergarments and a packet of tampons.

 

And all this while I was thinking my ex has only left her memories in my house. Its only after my Mom found out the undergarments and the tampons, that i realized that she had left more then just memories.

 

I’m sure we all have had our share of embarrassing moments and no matter how much we try, we get into such situations. And we all find it funny later on, but the fact is that we all would prefer dying at that point of time.

 

 

My ex girlfriend’s birthday

Last Wednesday (30^th July), I was working till late, went home after office, had dinner and then went out for coffee with a friend late night. Now you will ask me whats different in this. We all go home after work, have dinner and at times go out on coffee dates. So whats so special about it?

Well, its the date – 30^th July. Now you will ask me whats so special about 30^th July? All you music fanatics might tell me that Elvis Presley made his debut as a public performer on this day in 1954, or the world’s longest running music show, ‘Top of the Pops’ was broadcasted for the last time on BBC on this day. The Soccer fans might remember this as a date when the German great Jurgen Klinsmann was born.

 

There would definitely be more significant as well as insignificant events that occurred on this day. For me, well, its one of my ex girlfriend’s birthday. Now again, you will ask me whats the big deal (after all, she is my ex girlfriend). To be honest, its no big deal. Not anymore! But why I even bothered to think about it is because it signifies the very basic rule of life – that people come and go but life goes on.

 

I have so many memories attched to this day – good, bad and ugly. From saving for almost a year to buy a gift - to buying her everything she wanted - to exchanging ugly messages (i still cant believe we stooped to such level).

 

Now when I look back at those years, I don’t regret anything. In fact, few months ago when I went to Goa and stayed at the same place where I stayed with her few years ago (in fact I got the same room), I somehow felt good about the good old days.

 

Few of my friends still pull my leg asking “Bhai tu senti tho nahi hai na?” And I smile at them. The fact is that I’ve been with few other women after that and hardly even think about any of my past relationships.

 

Once, a very famous actor, who had had many relationships, and hence heartbreaks, was asked if he could name the one who he thought was the best. He simply smiled and said, ‘The next one.’

 

On a more serious note, its difficult to compare. From my first relationship till the last one, there have been highs and lows in each and everyone of them. And everyone was special. Its just that few of them had a bigger impact on my life then the others.

 

The first one will always be very special. I’ve hardly met a person who was liked by almost everyone. She was everyone’s darling and I’ve seen her making a difference in people’s life. Though we are hardly in touch but I know that she is doing well and is happy in life. And I know for sure that she wil not only be happy herself, but will make life better for everyone around her.

 

Once I started working, I dated a lot of women (I was trying to move on after the break up with the one whose birthday was on 30^th July). And trust me, I had a great time then. I was traveling a lot those days and I made friends all over. It was then that I met this lady for a coffee date. All I can say is that she was very very special. I have never been so relaxed and content in my life.

 

Okay - we are not here to discuss my girlfriends (to be honest, I dont even know the point I’m trying to make here – just felt like writing).

 

A very good friend of mine keep asking me which one is my favorite gift ( though I feel he has no right to ask me that specially when he himself has 4-5 watches gifted to him by his different girlfriends).

 

And to be honest, I don’t have a favorite. My Armani watch is as close to my heart as my Timex or Titan or Swatch or the Tommy. The Titto Bluni perfume bottle is still kept next to the Ferrari, CK and Hugo Boss perfumes. My 8 years old Rayban glasses are still as new as my Guess or the Polaroid Sunglasses.

 

They all are very close to my heart. But maybe the most precious one is a piece of paper which says, ‘Smile – someone loves you’. I’ve been carrying it in my wallet for more then 10 years now and it still makes me smile. 

 

I have my share of women (at times I was dumped after the first date itself All of them were different from each other (that means I still don’t know what am I looking for). From Pujabis to Sindhis to Bengali to Christan to even a Firang. From a student to a divorcee, from an air hostess to a news presenter. All different from each other. And if you ask me to tell you their birthdays - I can only say a few. I hardly remember 4-5 of them.

 

And thats why 30^th July was an important day. And why I chose to write about it is because nothing important or different happened that day. It went by like any other day. In fact, nobody even wished me happy birthday (till last year, my friends used to tease me). Everyone seems to have forgotten about this girlfriend of mine. They have new ones to tease me with. Maybe, next year even I’ll forget about it or will be busy preparing for somebody else’s birthday.

 

But who cares? I’m already thinking about my birthday. Last four years, I’ve spent my birthdays with four different women (never knowing that it would be my last birthday with her). I still have a couple of month to go before my birthday. And I’m still not sure whom to celebrate it with.

 

I haven’t celebrated my birthday with my parents for more then 10 years now. Maybe, the time has come to spend the whole day with them. Because the women might change every year, but they will always be with me on my birthday.

 Amen!