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When do you know its over?

 

1. When you don’t find her number in last dialled list

2. When you get irritated if you don’t find a place for your shoes on the shoe rack

3. When you start thinking her friend is this fat bitch who doesn’t like you

4. When you start preferring Sports Bar over Poison (disc)

5. When you suddenly discover the difference between a “classy” dress and an “expensive” dress

6. When she starts looking fat in that short black dress

7. When you suddenly don’t find her “love handles” hot

8. When you start finding her “drop the towel” act silly

9. When you start thinking her “Me on top” approach is too aggressive

10. When you suddenly discover that things that were “out of this world” till recently, give a “dirty” feeling now

11. When you find her “jump on you” act too heavy to handle

12. When all you want to do is hug her and sleep

13. When you start thinking that she should get up first and make tea for you

14. When you had a tough time remembering her birthday

15. And last but not the least, when you don’t feel like having coffee with her

Then my friend, you know its over between you and your girlfriend..or should I say ex girlfriend.

 

 

I’m an upper caste, Hindu, Brahmin, North indian

The first thing that people ask me when I introduce myself is why is my name Pratyush Pankaj and why don’t I have a surname. There is a very simple answer to that – it is because my Father didn’t want me to use our surname. He believes that surnames are used to distinguish people on the basis of their caste and religion. A Sharma or a Singh would be an upper caste and Mahto or Ahir would be a lower caste. He never believed in Caste system and he didn’t want his children to get into this either. Hence, none of us has a surname.

When I was a young kid, I only knew I was an Indian and I very firmly believed that. I didn’t even know what my caste was. I realized that I’m a Hindu during my history lessons in school when I was told that people in India are mainly divided into four religions – Hindu, Muslim, Sikh and Christians. It was somewhere in the early nineties that I realized that apart from being a Hindu, I’m also a Brahmin – which means an upper caste (thanks to Mandal Commission).

These things were irrelevant to me until I witnessed a riot after the Babri Masjid demolition where I lost one of my best friends who was a Muslim. I realized the implications of being an upper caste when I was denied admission in city’s top college despite getting very good marks in my Boards exams, and another friend of mine who got much less than me, got through on ‘Quota’ (he was a ‘scheduled caste’ – incidentally, he was always this rich spoilt kid)

As a young boy, I never understood this logic of treating the citizens of same country in different manner. I never understood the logic behind “special treatment” to these poor (?) minorities (?). I don’t know if my forefathers didn’t let them enter the temples or to fetch waters from the well (I’ve heard people narrating such stories on TV – specially the politicians). All I know is that by virtue of being born in an upper caste Brahmin family, I couldn’t get through  to the best college in the city even after securing much higher marks (trust me – much higher) than the so called lower caste kids (who would zoom around on their bikes and waste time everywhere except studying).

So, by the time I came to Pune for higher studies, I knew I was an upper caste, Hindu, Brahmin boy and not just an Indian which I always thought I was. And then, after spending almost 10 years in Maharashtra, I got a new identity. I was told that I was a North Indian and hence I shall go back to North India.

So now, In 25 years of my life in India, where my father wanted me to be a proud Indian, I’ve been given different identities. Thanks to politicians, so called social activists, Human rights activists and few others, I feel like an outsider in my own country because I’ve realized that I’m not just an Indian. I’m an upper caste, Hindu, Brahmin, North Indian and I’m not very sure how many more tags I’ll have to add to my identity.

I always wondered if my father has failed. He wanted to give me one identity but now I’ve so many. But now when I think about it, its not my father’s fault. His intentions were right – he wanted his children to be above caste, religion and regionalism. But thanks to the dirty politics of dividing the country into castes religion and regions, none of us is just an Indian – we all have multiple identities.

The pursuit of happiness

 

Yesterday night, I saw Gabriele Muccino’s “The pursuit of happiness”, starring Will Smith and his son. This movie is inspired by a real life story of a man struggling to build his future and looking for happiness.

 

Apart from being an inspiring story, it also made me think about happiness and its definition. The Oxford dictionary defines happiness as the quality or state of being happy. But how do we know we are happy? I have thousands of issues in my life and at times feel let down by external forces.

 

And yesterday night, when i was thinking about it, i realized that though I’ve had my share of rough patches, God has generally been kind to me. Its just that we don’t realize the small little things that happen in our life and make it better then what it would have been without them.

 

In fact when i looked back at last couple of months, i realized that there have been few instances which have made life better for me every time i felt that the chips were down.

 

The other day, something happened and i was really sad. I was feeling terrible when suddenly Sampu called me up (though we are best friends, we hardly talk or meet on weekdays). We spoke for around 5 minutes when we decided to take Chopi on conference call.

 

Now, Chopi, Sampu and me have had some wild time together. We have shared each and everything about each other. Both of them are married now and Chopi is settled in Delhi. Last time when she came down, we had a great time and were partying till early morning (though we couldn’t talk much).

 

So, we took Chopi on Con Call and for next 2 hours, all three of us were just screaming and laughing. And when i kept the phone, i had forgotten everything that was making my life miserable early in the evening.

 

And this was just one of many such instances in the last couple of months when suddenly something has happened to change my mood and lift my spirits.

 

For eg. I had a friend who is an Air Hostess. We had almost lost touch. But suddenly, she’s started calling me almost everyday and even her flight schedules have changed. She does a lot of Mumbai bound flights and hence we meet more often now. And she is good fun to be with – the kind with whom you can forget everything and be yourself.

 

And then there is this really sweet woman who’s always in high spirits and has this uncanny knack of making me smile everytime I’m feeling low. She’s been a great company in the last couple of months – not to mention the new meaning she’s given to “long drives” in Mumbai traffic 😉

 

And then i always have great friends like Ships and Nags whom I can call anytime and i know I’ll keep the phone smiling.

 

What I’m trying to say is – We all get our share of happiness in some form or other. Its just that we don’t realize that and remember the bad times. Infact, we take such good things in life for granted. We treat them as part of our daily life and treat the “not so good times” as an impostor. What we need to realize is that these are part of our everyday life and for every low, there is a high and vice versa.

 

And I’ve realized that I’m much more happy these days. At times i do think about people who are not part of my life anymore. But for every such person, I’ve someone else who’s become an integral part of my life now. At times I really miss talking to few people (specially before hitting the bed). But then again, I’ve new people to call at midnight and talk till dawn.

 

Life is not as complicated as we make it. Its just that we need to appreciate the small little good things in our lives. Happiness is around us. We just need to stop wasting our time thinking about the bad things that happened to us. Happiness is my right and nobody can take that away from me.

 

 

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Generation Gap

The other night, i was talking to my Dad. We were discussing the current events. I asked him what he thinks about the recent bomb blasts, recent kashmir violence, or the Nadigram issue, or the teenager’s murder mystery in Delhi or things in general.

 

He replied..

Well..let me think a minute..

I was born before the age of television..let alone computers and mobile phones..

Hardware was found in hardware store

and nobody had heard of software

 

I remember going to college miles away from my place on a bicycle..

I remember sending one mail to my parents in months to tell them that i was fine and the exams went well..

I remember how getting 1^st division was the biggest achievement for any young boy or girl..

 

Your Mom and me got married first and then started living together..

Every family had a Grandfather and a Grandmother..

And everyone wanted their kid to be a graduate

And all elders were called “Ji” without fail

 

Sundays were set aside for going to temples,

Meeting everyone in the neighborhood and inviting people for lunch at home..

Going to the museum or to the Zoo with the family

Neighborhood tailor made the best cloths and Armani & Varsace was latin and french to us

 

I lived in an era where people didn’t know about gay rights,

Speed dating was unheard of and nobody knew about “pills”

Nobody spoke of sex education in school and Aids meant helpers

 

We never heard of ipods, FM radio or multiple CD changers

We spoke about the British Invasion of American Music with the arrival of Beatles

And the magic of Elvis Presley being compared to that of Kishore kumar

And i dont even remember seeing a kid blowing his brains out along with others,

listening to to some form of music called rap

 

A woman was naturally beautiful

and nobody even thought of surgery

Men never had Viagra and had to depend on hot milk

And yes..we were the last generation to believe

that one needs to get married to have babies..

 

No wonder i feel out of place in this world

And you guys think I’m confused

And then you coin the term generation gap

And i feel I’ve come from Moon

.

Good old days

 

Whatever I do, however i think,

They keep coming back to me in different ways
And even today when i hit the bed and close my eyes,
I miss my good Old days

 

We have all had our good times, and the bad,
But as we move on, nobody forgets the careless fearless time we’ve had
How can i forget the long drives after the big tests,
Late night parties and attending early morning lectures, after little rest

 

Basketball court over classrooms,
And heading to Madhuban after play,
and yes, distributing roses to all the women,
making full use of the friendship day

 

Puppy loves, hearts renewed,
The dating drama and the “I love you’s”
As time passed, we all went our own separate ways,
But I’m sure we all miss our good old days

 

Every now and then, as some story ends and new ones start,
Those memories never leave you, forever in your heart
And even today i tell myself how i miss
Those good old days, full of bliss

Life goes on, leaving behind just the memories,
And one day we’ll die.
And we all will think of our good old days,
before, for the one final time, we close our eyes

 

 

 Pratyush

My ex girlfriend’s birthday

Last Wednesday (30^th July), I was working till late, went home after office, had dinner and then went out for coffee with a friend late at night. Now you will ask me whats different in this. We all go home after work, have dinner and at times go out on coffee dates. So whats so special about it?

Well, its the date – 30^th July. Now you will ask me whats so special about 30^th July? All you music fanatics might tell me that Elvis Presley made his debut as a public performer on this day in 1954, or the world’s longest running music show, ‘Top of the Pops’ was broadcasted for the last time on BBC on this day. Football fans might remember this as a date when the German great Jurgen Klinsmann was born.

 

 

There would definitely be more significant as well as insignificant events that occurred on this day. For me; well, its one of my ex girlfriends’ birthday. Now again, you will ask me what’s the big deal – after all, she is my ex girlfriend. To be honest, it’s no big deal. Not anymore! But why I even bothered to think about it is because it signifies the very basic rule of life – that people come and go but life goes on.

 

 

I have so many memories attched to this day – good, bad and ugly. From saving for almost a year to buy a gift – to buying her everything she wanted – to exchanging ugly messages (i still can’t believe we stooped to such level).

 

 

Now when I look back at those years, I don’t regret anything. In fact, few months ago when I went to Goa and stayed at the same place where I stayed with her few years ago (in fact I got the same room), I somehow felt good about the good old days.

 

 

Few of my friends still pull my leg, asking “Bhai tu senti tho nahi hai na?” And I smile at them. The fact is that I’ve been with few other women after that and hardly even think about any of my past relationships anymore.

 

 

Once, a very famous actor, who had had many relationships, and hence heartbreaks, was asked if he could name the one who he thought was the best. He simply smiled and said, ‘The next one.’

 

 

On a more serious note, it’s difficult to compare. From my first relationship till the last one, there have been highs and lows in each and every one of them. And everyone was special. It’s just that few of them had a bigger impact on my life than the others.

 

 

The first one will always be very special. I’ve hardly met a person who was liked by almost everyone. She was everyone’s darling and I’ve seen her making a difference in people’s life. Though we are hardly in touch but I know that she is doing well and is happy in life. And I know for sure that she wil not only be happy herself, but will make life better for everyone around her.

 

 

Once I started working, I dated a lot of women (I was trying to move on after the break up with the one whose birthday was on 30^th July). And trust me, I had a great time then. I was traveling a lot those days and I made friends all over. It was then that I met this lady for a coffee date. All I can say is that she was very very special. I have never been so relaxed and content in my life.

 

 

Okay – we are not here to discuss my girlfriends (to be honest, I dont even know the point I’m trying to make here – just felt like writing).

 

 

A very good friend of mine keep asking me which one is my favorite gift ( though I feel he has no right to ask me that specially when he himself has 4-5 watches gifted to him by his different girlfriends).

 

 

And to be honest, I don’t have a favorite. My Armani watch is as close to my heart as my Timex or Titan or Swatch or the Tommy. The Titto Bluni perfume bottle is still kept next to the Ferrari, CK and Hugo Boss perfumes. My 8 years old Rayban glasses are still as new as my Guess or the Polaroid Sunglasses.

 

 

They all are very close to my heart. But maybe the most precious one is a piece of paper which says, ‘Smile – someone loves you’. I’ve been carrying it in my wallet for more then 10 years now and it still makes me smile. 

 

 

I have my share of women (at times I was dumped after the first date itself 😉 All of them were different from each other (that means I still don’t know what am I looking for). From Pujabis to Sindhis to Bengali to Christan to even a Firang. From a student to a divorcee, from an air hostess to a news presenter. All different from each other. And if you ask me to tell you their birthdays – I can only say a few. I hardly remember 4-5 of them.

 

 

And thats why 30^th July was an important day. And why I chose to write about it is because nothing important or different happened that day. It went by like any other day. In fact, nobody even wished me happy birthday (till last year, my friends used to tease me). Everyone seems to have forgotten about this girlfriend of mine. They have new ones to tease me with. Maybe, next year even I’ll forget about it or will be busy preparing for somebody else’s birthday.

 

 

But who cares? I’m already thinking about my birthday. Last four years, I’ve spent my birthdays with four different women (never knowing that it would be my last birthday with her). I still have a couple of months to go before my birthday. And I’m still not sure whom to celebrate it with.

 

 

I haven’t celebrated my birthday with my parents for more then 10 years now. Maybe, the time has come to spend the whole day with them. Because the women might change every year, but they will always be with me on my birthday.

 Amen!